Down Time 2 and a half!
by Lordoftheghostking28
Summary: Link and Midna are back with their crazy non-adventures! They discover the uses of the Dominion Rod and how NOT to use it! They also discover the creepy guardian of the Sols!If you want to laugh, this is the place! Rated T to be safe with humor. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Well, you guys asked for this. DOWN TIME 2 ½! Because you all seemed to make a big deal over Down Time 1 and 2 and I thought, "Hey, give the readers what they want!"**

**So here you are. More random stuff involving your favorite Zelda peoples and places and situations and randomness. LET IT BEGIN!**

**THE TEMPLE OF TIME**

"This Dominion Rod thing is awesome!" Link cheered, throwing the little yellow ball of light in all directions, letting it hit the wall, and then ducking as it sped back towards the Rod. "And this really burns calories!"

Midna sighed, once again cursing the Gods for choosing the most annoying person in all of Hyrule to be a hero. She floated to the floor and stood there, watching Link dodge the life-giving ball of light like it was fire.

"_Link, sidi dison!_" Midna finally said after about twenty minuets. "_Nichaa!_"

"In a minuet!" Link jumped over the ball of light and watched it hit the opposite wall and come rocketing back at him. He dived backwards and it just narrowly missed.

Midna gave Link the Death Glare but he didn't seem to notice, as he was preoccupied by the shiny little ball of light. He must have some degree of ADHD or ADD or something.

"_Link, diweon sosd suwquo._" Midna stated very firmly, knowing that that would get his attention.

"What? Zelda likes another guy?" Link's blue eyes got wide and the little ball of light smacked him upside the face before returning to the Rod.

Midna, of course, rolled with laughter at the sight of Link standing there wondering what the heck hit him. After about twenty seconds he realized what it was and he growled, "Ok, that's not funny anymore. Let's go and get through this freaking dungeon thing."

So get through this freaking dungeon thing they began to do…until they came to a slight probablem.

"Why is there a giant golden bell thing in the middle of this room?" Link asked, walking around what indeed appeared to be a giant golden bell. "Am I suppost to stand in it?"

He stood in the middle of it and looked up, but no alien technology came down to teleport him off to the _Enterprise_ or anything. In fact, all he managed to do was allow Midna to say how dumb he looked standing there under a big bell.

"Ok, then, do you know how these work…if they even work at all?" Link asked, thoroughly annoyed.

"_No_." Midna shook her head, still smiling brightly. "_Nusiw diyus ixyo?_"

"I don't think you're suppost to throw anything up there… But maybe the Dominion Rod can do something!" Link pulled out his favorite item and flicked the end at the top of the bell. The little yellow ball hit the underside of the bell and rocketed back towards his head.

This is a recording on peper of what happened next:

EEEYYAAA-

THUNK…GOOOONG

VROOOOOM

_EEH HEE HEE_!

"Be quiet, Midna!" Link got up and rubbed the places on his head where the strangely dense ball of light had hit him and where he had fallen on the bell. The Dominion Rod continued with its strange humming/vrooming sound.

"So I guess that won't work." Link mumbled, glaring at the bell like he wanted nothing better than to turn into a wolf and bite it. He settled for kicking it as hard as he could instead.

THUNK…GOOOONG

EEEYYAAA!

_EEH HEE HEE_!

"BE QUIET, MIDNA!" Link wailed, hopping around on one foot. "THAT HURT! STUPID, WORTHLESS BELL THING! WHY I AUGHTA…"

He raised the Master Sword and brought it down on the bell's side.

CLANG…GOOOONG

CRACK

And thus this is how the Liberty Bell's crack was _really_ made.

Midna, meanwhile, sat cross-legged on the ground and watched Link as he cursed the bell out when he knew perfectly well that it was inanimate and had no ears. Humans were so stupid sometimes; Midna wondered why the Gods bothered with them at all.

"_Sokem, Link._" She finally said, telling him to get a move on so they could get out of the bell-infested dungeon.

Link's face was red but he continued after her, occasionally mumbling things under his breath Midna was glad she couldn't hear. They entered into another room, this one also containing a bell.

"AAAGH THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! THIS TEMPLE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!"

Midna rolled her eyes and told Link to deal with it and move on.

All was well until they came to a giant statue blocking their path. Link tried in vain to push it aside, shove it aside, kick it aside, curse it aside, and finally…bang his head on it aside.

Luckily Midna shoved him away from the statue before he could really do some damage to himself. "_Dominion Rod, Link._" She sighed.

"I hate that thing now." Link muttered.

Midna then proceeded to grab the Rod and whack Link fifty times over the head with it until he overcame the strange fear and began to fear her instead.

"Ok! Ok! Stop! Ow!" He wailed, shielding himself with the now slightly cracked Rod. He backed up and flung the yellow orb at the statue.

It ignited the small flame of life in its chest and it began to follow Link's every move. He had a lot of fun teaching a statue how to square dance, much to Midna's horror.

"_Sokem, Link!_" Midna narrowed her eye and barred her teeth in a snarl.

"Ok, ok! Come on, best buddy statue of mine! Let's go explore this crazy temple thing!" Link announced, and then they were off.

The next room consisted of enemies and Link easily disposed of them, but that wasn't the bad part. They found a treasure chest and upon opening it, found a Red Rupee; still, that wasn't the bad part. Link did a happy dance on account of the Rupee and technically this qualifies as bad…but for right now it's unimportant. Ignore that, please. The author had a long day at school.

Anyway, after Link completed the Happy Dance of Horror, they discovered….

The wall.

The wall was blocking their paths from one room to the next; and all the weapons Link had didn't seem like enough to blast through it. Midna tapped on the wall to see if it was really as solid as it looked and nearly broke her knuckles. Yep, they were going to be stuck there for a while.

"Now what?" Link asked out loud as Midna cursed loudly and waved her hand everywhere. "I don't think bomb arrows will be able to blast through this."

Midna thought of all the English she actually knew and shouted, "_OH, REALLY?_"

"Yeah. Oh, well. I needed a break anyway." Link slumped against the wall and pulled out an Ocarina and began to play a sad tune.

Midna's hand eventually began to return to normal and she sat on the statue's head and listened to the song. It was sad, long and beautiful, like a lone bird's flight through the skies. When Link finished the song, Midna was shocked. It ended so abruptly.

"_Wikco?_" She asked.

"I wrote that." Link said proudly. "Took a while, but I plan to play this to Zelda at some point. To show her how much I really care for her and how our love will never diminish…"

Midna rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, I got the inspiration from watching that hawk in Ordon flying around. When I was a wolf a while back…you remember this, I think…he told me how lonely it was to fly around day after day after day with nowhere to go."

Midna only remembered all too well. The bird's story was so sad…and then Link told it that it should write poetry that rivaled Edgar Allen Poe.

"Ok, anyway, I'm ready to figure out the mystery of why a wall is just randomly in the room like this!" Link got up and put the Ocarina away and eyed the wall. "Hmm…"

With that, he bent down and retrieved the Dominion Rod, lined the walking statue up next to the wall, and swung the Rod downwards.

The statue's arms reacted almost similar to his own and the hammer it had smashed into the top of the wall, offering a way through the room. Link began to dance in circles, the statue mimicking him.

"Yes, Midna! We did it! I love this thing!"

Midna rolled her eyes and wondered what she would do if she had never met this kid. All of the possibilities were positive and involved kicking Zant and Ganondorf's butts.

So the statue followed behind Link and into the next room, with Midna floating along beside them.

"AAAGH! A CREEPY THING!" Link wailed, holding the Dominion rod in front of him as a creepy thing crossed his path. "SAVE ME, STATUE BUDDY!" And he swung the Rod down, forgetting that the statue was standing directly behind him.

With a loud CRACK the hammer hit Link on the head and he passed out.

Midna then couldn't get the song Can't Touch This by MC Hammer out of her head as she laughed so hard she got hiccups combined with a terribly sore throat.

**And that's what I did at the Temple of Time. I made a new buddy, Statue! He was nice until he tried to club me unconscious. Then I ditched him and moved on. Anyway, more Down Time to come!**


	2. The Master Hand

**THE GIANT HAND OF DOOM**

To Link, the Twilight Realm was pretty awesome. Partly because there was no need for sunglasses and he could stay a human as long as he had the Master Sword. But his view on the place all changed as Midna lead him down another dungeon's stairs and into the unknown.

"So there are these things called…Sol whatevers and they'll keep this place safer?" Link asked as they entered a room with weird teleporting heads that tried to kill them.

"_Ni._" Midna confirmed.

"Good, sounds easy to me." Link killed the heads and made his way through the room, transforming into a wolf as he went. Now he and Midna could understand their selves directly because they were both from the Twilight.

"_It's easy until you come to the things guarding the Sols_." Midna said.

"And what's that? A guardian of some sort?" Link asked.

"_In a way…only it won't let you escape alive with its prize._"

Link stopped running. "So you mean they'll try to kill us again?"

"_Just wait and see._"

Link swallowed loudly and followed the path in front of him. Eventually they came to a room that was mostly empty. Midna jumped off his back and floated over to where something was shining brightly. "_This is a Sol._" She said. "_Hurry, take it and get out of here._"

Link transformed into a human again and grabbed the ball of light that was slightly bigger than his head. That was about when the thing it was resting on originally began to move.

"WHAAA!" Link yelled, jumping backwards as it detached itself from the ground and floated above him. Link turned and ran as fast as he could go, but the shadow of whatever was above him was keeping pace like it had done this many times before. That was when Link noticed what it was.

"MIDNA! THERE'S A CREEPY FLOATING HAND AFTER ME!"

The hand then slammed itself onto Link and took the Sol back to where it was before the hero came and took it away.

Midna floated down next to where Link lay in a broken heap. "_Jsoi?_"

"No, I'm not ok." Link hissed. "I think it broke my spleen."

Midna sighed and handed Link some Red Potion, which he thirstily drank. After that he stood up and declared, "I am Link! I will not be stopped by a stupid floating hand! Nothing can stop me, even whatever demons may reside here!"

He charged at the hand, sword raised and screaming a battle cry. He grabbed the Sol and that battle cry quickly changed to a terrified scream of help.

"AAAAIII! MIDNAA! IT'S AFTER ME AGAIN!" Link screamed. He managed to make it to the door and run out of it before the hand could squish him again.

"Whew…that was close." He sighed. "See? No one can challenge me and win!"

"_Um…Link…_" Midna pointed to the wall, where the hand was coming out of a portal.

Link paled, turned and ran screaming, Midna closely following.

Before long the hand crashed on top of him again, picked up the Sol, and gave him the finger before going through a portal and into the room they were in before.

Link tried to move and there was an unpleasant cracking noise. "Ow…Midna, why didn't you warn me that everything here has an attitude?"

Midna shrugged. "_Akis siuen Sol._"

"Yeah, I'll get it as soon as my internal bleeding stops." Link moaned pitifully, causing Midna to whip out a bottle of Red Potion again.

Soon afterwards they were at it again.

"Ok…here I go…" Link charged at the hand, ripped the Sol, from it, and ran like heck back to the door. Once he was in the other room, he put the Sol down and picked up his sword. "Let's see the hand take it now!" He snickered.

Soon the hand came and once it knew that the stealer of the Sol was nearby, stuck its middle finger in the air again. Link waited until it got closer and then smacked it with the sword, paralyzing it.

"Ok, this is our ticket out of here!" Link picked the Sol up again and bolted.

After about ten minuets of running back through the dungeon they reached the outside and Link put the Sol in the slight groove in the ground that Midna indicated.

Link turned back into a wolf and said, "Ok, Midna! Let's get out of here now!"

Midna cringed slightly and muttered, "_Um…Link…there's still two more Sols to go._"

Link passed out.

**The end to that. Why does Link keep passing out? Oh well. **

**THE END…?**

**NO! ONE THING LEFT!**


	3. 200 years in the future

**200 years In the future…**

"We've found this beautiful bell!" An architect announced, running out of the temple's entrance. "But it's got a long crack in it…anyway, it should be good enough for Pennsylvania. Someone help me get it out of here!"

So the team dragged out the huge golden bell with one large crack in it. It was indeed beautiful, but the real history of it would be forever forgotten and changed…unless you read this FanFic, which told the real story.

**End. Send me ideas for Down Times, and they may show up! Special thanks to MelissaMachine5000 for ideas, although I didn't use them for the owls. **

**Remember to review!**

**Hasta la Vista, readers!**

**Lordoftheghostking28**


	4. The Zora Falls

** Ok, this is hopefully the last part to Down Time 2 and a half. Wow, I can't believe how much you guys like this story! **

** I LOVE YOU ALL! **

** Except you!**

** Yes, you!**

** Kidding!**

** Anyway, in this last chapter thing here Link acts like weirdo on account of my weird adventures. Also I tell you where to find Rupees. So here we go**…

"This Zora domain place really is nice." Link said, hanging out next to Rallis' throne. "And I know you're the prince and all now, but please, pretty please, don't turn this place into a dictatorship!"

Midna whacked Link and hissed, "_Hurod!_"

Rallis just gave Link a weird look and said, "Um…sure…Well, I'll try my best. If I fail to please everyone then I'll step away from the throne."

"Already such a good leader!" Link sighed. "This place shows promise!"

Rallis got up from his throne and said to Link and Midna, "Come over here. There's a really good view of the waterfall over here."

So the three of them hiked around to the opposite side of the falls and got a load of the breathtaking view. To add awesomeness to it, the sun was beginning to set, casting a reddish orange glow on the water.

"Wow." Link managed to say. "Pretty."

"We actually take this view for granted now. To some of us, if you see one sunset, you see them all." Rallis said. "But to me, every light show is a miracle."

"I agree." Link said, wiping a tear away from his eye. "It's so beautiful."

Midna rolled her eyes.

"Well, I think we should head back to Hyrule. Zelda was expecting us to save her from Ganondorf." Link said. "Come on, Midna. We should-_AARHHAA!_"

Midna and Rallis watched as Link slipped and fell 950 feet into the water below. After about four seconds of falling there was a loud SPLASH.

"_I didn't do it_." Midna said in English to Rallis, so he would understand. "_I swear._" But her eye told a different story.

"Yeah, sure you didn't." Rallis rolled his eyes.

Midna pushed him over the side too.

** 20 MINUETS LATER**…

Rallis was sitting in his throne, soaking wet and ticked off while Link sat next to him on the ground, soaking wet and _very_ ticked off. Midna was hovering between them, bone dry and _extremely_ happy. At least someone was.

"Why did you do that?" Link growled. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"_Jereio._" Midna grinned, stating that that was the point.

"You think you're so funny, don't you?"

"_Ni._" Midna nodded.

"Would it be funny if I turned into a wolf and took a bite out of your head?"

Rallis turned and gave Link a long, weird look. "What? A wolf? You can morph?"

"No, I was just issuing empty threats." Link hissed, forgetting that he was even there. "I can't turn into a wolf and even if I could, Midna's big head wouldn't fit in my mouth."

Midna glared at him but Link was feeling extremely smug about the little revenge and dismissed it.

"Um…ok, then." Rallis said. "Didn't you need to go and save Zelda?"

"Oh, that's right! Come on, Midna!" Link jumped up and dived into the circular pool thing in front of the throne. "Let's swim there!"

Midna rolled her eyes but jumped in the water and drifted over to him. "Ok, let's go!"

Link dived under and headed for the way out, passing six Blue Rupees on the way.

** (A/N: There are Rupees here. Use your Iron Boots, and if you have it: Zora Armor, so you don't drift off, and go get them. There is either three Blue Rupees on one side and three on the other, or three on one side and three yellows on the other. I can't remember, so we'll just say six blue ones here. It's a good detour to make, believe me!)**

Then came the scary part. The Waterfall of Death and Mutilation, Misery, and Missing Limbs. Link went headfirst over it.

"HEEEYAAAA!"

Midna was smart enough to fly out of the water just in time, and she watched Link flail helplessly down to the rivers below. She began laughing very, very hard when he landed on the head of one of the Zora guards.

"WHY YOU LITTLE PUNK! I'LL TEACH YOU!" The guard screamed, coming after Link with his spear.

"HEEEYAAA!" Link screamed, swimming away as fast as he could.

Midna laughed so hard she nearly fell out of the sky. The guard caught Link and began dunking him to the point of near suffocation. That was about when Midna stepped in, dragged him out onto land and waited for him to get up.

But he didn't.

"_Link?_" Midna asked, still laughing slightly.

He didn't move.

"_Link?_" Midna hopped up onto his forehead and slapped his face. "_LINK!_"

When that method of getting him to breathe failed, she began jumping up and down as hard and as fast as she could on his chest. Well, that worked, and Link coughed up a huge amount of water and a Reekfish, right in Midna's face.

"_WAHAO! LINK!_" Midna screamed, throwing the fish back at him. "_KIIMION!_"

"Yeah…I'm alive." Link coughed a lot again. "Wow, that was close. I think I saw one of the Goddesses of Hyrule. She tried to give me some Hershey's chocolate. It was dark chocolate too!"

Midna had no idea what he was talking about, but she was glad he wasn't dead. They teleported to Hyrule Castle to rescue Zelda. Or…at least _try_.

** 1 HOUR LATER**…

"MIDNA! OWW! IT HURTS SO BAD! MY KNEES ARE TOUCHING MY BACK! OOWW! I'M GOING TO PASS OUT! GET ME SOME RED POTION! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! AAAAGH!"

Midna literally threw Red Potion in his face. Luckily, most of it got into his mouth and his spine untwisted from the terrifying contortionist position thing. Link lay on the lawn of Hyrule's castle and took great gulps of air. "I'm alive!" He squeaked.

Midna shuddered and wondered how the heck they were going to defeat Ganondorf when he nearly broke Link's back without hardly lifting a finger. Zelda would have to wait until they trained or learned some more secret moves from the golden wolf guy.

Link staggered to his feet and said, "Wow, that was really painful. I want to go back to the Zora Domain, ok? I think my back will thank me for that later."

"_Ni._" Midna said, transforming him into a wolf and then teleporting them both to the Zora Domain, where Link told Rallis what happened.

"…and I was sort of wondering if you could help me." He finished.

"Sorry, we Zora only live near water, and there's no stream up there or anything. You'll have to fight him by yourself." Rallis said. "But if you want you can make this your base thing after you come back."

"Ok, then. Cool!" Link said. "But right now I'm going to go for a swim before I head back there. Come on, Midna!" He jumped into the circular pool and swam towards the waterfall and went over with a loud, "AAAAARGH!"

"I worry about that guy sometimes." Rallis said once Link's voice faded from the air. "It's a good thing you found him."

"_Niher jiume skiiyo._" Midna agreed.

She floated down from the waterfall to find Link treading water not far from the waterfall. "Wow, that really is a thrill." Link said. "Lots of adrenalin. Anyway, there's something shiny on the ground down there…" Link stuck his head in the water for a few seconds before resurfacing and announcing, "Yeah, there's a chest down there or something. I'm gonna get it."

Midna watched in a complete OMG-You-Did-Not-Just-Do-That sort of feeling as Link managed to put the Iron Boots (but not the Zora Armor) on and sink. It was a mystery on how the boots didn't drag him down even though they were in his pack. Anyway, she watched as he hit the bottom of the lake and began walking along it. He put a couple of waterproof bombs down and there was a soft POOM and Rupees fell out of the rocks he just exploded.

That was about when he kicked off the boots and made a beeline to the surface.

Midna was thinking how dumb he was in the first place by not putting on the armor when he suddenly stopped swimming and sort of floated there. Instantly, Midna began shouting for help.

In less than two seconds a Zora guard, the one that Link landed on when he jumped…er…got pushed off the cliff, had arrived and was pulling him to the surface. The Zora swam over to land and hauled Link up onto it, then getting up on it himself.

"_Jioroen? JIOROEN?_" Midna screamed. "_CPR!_"

By now a crowd of Zora had arrived on the little piece of land as the guard began performing CPR on Link. But after thirty seconds, he still wasn't responsive. That was when the guard pinched Link's nostrils shut and opened his mouth and leaned in…

"AAAAYRRAAAAGH!"

Link jumped about a mile in the sky and shoved the guard back into the water. He sat there, looking extremely freaked out, until Midna attached herself to his hat in a hug. "_Hrieo fuin sessm dueo!_"

"HE TRIED TO KISS ME!" Link screamed.

"I did not!" The guard muttered from the water.

"Well, anyway, he's alive now." A Zora said nearby. "Come on, everyone. Let's get back to what we were doing."

"That was very creepy…" Link muttered, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve.

"IT WAS NOT A KISS!" The Zora guard screamed.

"Whatever! It sure looked like it!"

Midna rolled her eyes and, when everyone wasn't looking, turned Link into a wolf and teleported back up to the Domain.

"I just about died!" Link said excitedly to Rallis once he was human again. "But then your guard tried to kiss me and I woke up. You should fire him."

"Um…he just saved your life." Rallis said. "I think he should get a promotion."

"Yeah, but earlier he tried to drown me and Midna saved me." Link muttered, but Rallis didn't hear him.

Anyway, Link sure learned a valuable lesson that day. Don't put Iron Boots on until the Armor is on, unless you want to get kissed by a guard. Or one of the hot Zora women hanging around all the time…

"Why do you have that weird look on your face?" Rallis asked.

"Oh, nothing." Link snickered.

Midna rolled her eyes.

** EL FIN. Yep, the end.**

** Weird, huh?**

** Anyway, that should be the end of this, unless I get another random idea. There will NOT be a Down Time 3 unless I get lots of reviews with lots of ideas in them or something. If I do write more funny stuff, it'll appear after this chapter, but I doubt that will happen soon. Sorry, this just about wraps this series up, but there may be another series with completely different plotlines and stuff like that. We'll just have to wait and see, because I have 5 different Fan Fics I've been trying to write for a long time and I need to get those done. **

** Thank you for reading!**

** Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

** ~ Lordoftheghostking28 **

** ^_0**


	5. Midna's REAL curse!

_**OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE I POSTED A DOCTOR WHO FIC HERE INSTEAD OF THIS CHAPTER! IF YOU READ THIS, SORRY! I WAS IN A HURRY TO GET IT ON FOR YOU GUYS!**_

**I can't believe I've been tricked into writing another chapter! But that's a good thing, because I love this story. And I guess you do too, or you wouldn't be reading this far. Anyway, here's what's probably going to be the last chapter.**

Midna, who had been transformed back into a hot lady, Zelda, and Link were all standing near the entrance to Twilight. Not the book series, because that would be lame.

"_So…this is it_." Midna was saying. "_I'll see you around then, Link._"

Link was staring at her and practically drooling, but luckily she didn't notice. Only Zelda did.

"Oh, stop it, Hero! If you love her so much, then go with her!" She slapped him.

"Can I?" Link asked excitedly.

Meanwhile Midna was just about to enter the Realm.

"Yes, go! Go and have little Hylian/Twili babies!" Zelda pushed him up the stairs.

Link crashed into Midna and the two of them fell into the Twilight, and not a moment too soon. The Mirror broke, and Zelda was left standing there, looking really worried.

"I did NOT just do that." She whispered.

Then the greatness of the situation weighed in and she realized she would never see the weirdo again. _BEST DAY EVAH_!

Meanwhile Midna and Link realized what happened and Link went and beat his head against the rock they had just come through, screaming with every blow, "LET! ME! BACK! TO! ZELDA! I! AM! A! BODYGUARD! GUY! EVERYONE! LOVES! ME! AAAHH!"

Midna pulled him away from the rock. "_Link, get ahold of yourself_!"

"I can't! I don't wanna not ever again herd goats for Fado! I don't wanna not ever go to Telma's bar and drink root beer! I don't wanna not ever again go riding through Hyrule field! Midnaaa!" Link wailed, curling up in a ball on the ground. "I need a hug!"

Midna gave him a hug and then brought him back to her castle, where she gave him hot chocolate. Link looked a bit better after that, but not by much.

"_We'll find a way for you to get back._" Midna promised. "_But for now, you're just going to hang out here._"

"As long as I'm with you." Link said happily.

"_Um..ok, then…_"

Midna then went off to the place where she and Link had put the Sols once they were found. She stood next to one of them and asked, "_Great Spirit of Twilight, what the heck am I gonna do?_"

From the Sols came a white mist that eventually took the form of a great golden wolf, the one that Midna and Link had learned some special moves from. He sat down at her feet and said with a chuckle, "_Your situation doesn't seem of much importance next to the fact that you both saved two worlds from destruction._"

"_If you ask me, this crisis is even worse than Zant and Ganondorf combined._" Midna muttered. "_And to make it worse, he won't stop staring at me!_"

The wolf laughed. "_In time, you will find a way to get him out of here and back to his own world. You just have to be patient._"

The spirit vanished in a flash of white mist that floated back into the Sols. Midna went back to her castle, really depressed. She found Link sitting in her throne and acting like a king or something.

"Hey, Midna, if we get married, that means I'll be a prince, right?"

Midna pictured him being eaten by Zant, and that made her sane enough to respond with a non-evil answer. "_Yes._"

"Cool!" Link said. "When we have kids, what can we name them?"

"_We're not getting married, Link!_" Midna screamed in horror. It was then that she realized that the curse Zant had put upon her to turn her into an imp wasn't the real curse…this one was, being stuck with Link for an extended period of time while they tried to get him back.

Midna would rather be an imp again so she could hide from him in his own shadow. Or better yet, bring the three Fused Shadows together and beat him to a pulp.

Midna left Link in the throne and went out into the courtyard, where she could speak to another spirit. Actually, this one wasn't exacally a spirit, but it was close enough.

"_PLEASE tell me that he goes back._" Midna begged a huge rock with glowing blue symbols on it. The symbols glowed brighter and the misty shape of a girl stood there.

_Um, well, I can't actually tell you outright, but I can tell you that something good happens_. The girl said. _Yeah, being the author of this story and all…I can't really ruin it for my readers_.

"_You've got to be kidding me._"

_Nope. Sorry_.

Midna returned to her castle to find that Link had a feast declared in her name. Actually, when she entered the room with a puzzled expression on her face, Link ran up to her and said, "Here she is! My soon-to-be wife!"

Midna facepalmed and cursed everything with a name to be cursed. The list was extremely long.

After Midna assured everyone that she wasn't getting married, they all ate the food with a sigh or relief. It was good food too, with some things on the table that Midna didn't even recognize until Link explained that they had things like that in Hyrule.

"_Really_." Midna said, taking a bite of what Link called, roast lamb. It was awesome.

After the feast Midna went back to try to persuade the author and the gods to open the portal just one more time. Sadly, they just told her the same thing, that Link would be sent back soon enough, blah, blah, blah. It was going to be a long week.

Midna returned to the castle again in a sour mood. When Link ran up to her to give her a hug, she punched him into a wall.

"OWWW MY FACE!" Link wailed.

"_Yeah, it's killing me too._" Midna growled, going up to her room and slamming the door. Then she cried a lot and punched her pillow a lot and swore a lot.

_Um, Midna_? A voice asked.

"_What do you want?_" Midna demanded, her voice muffled because her face was in the middle of a pillow.

_Well, if you really wanted me too…I could kill Link_. The author girl said.

Midna deeply considered the request. "_No, he has friends back in Hyrule. They might miss him. And besides, Zelda wants him. I have absolutely no feelings for that mutt. She can have him._"

_Nice answer_. The author said. _Well, I'll see if I can gather up every little piece of the Mirror and re-construct it_.

"_I love you. Please do it quickly._" Midna begged.

_Um…it could take me three years, at least_.

"_YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!_"

_…Sorry_…

Midna thought for a while. "_How about you start on the Mirror, and I'll think of other ways to get him back. That way, we have a fail proof way of getting him out of here._"

_That could work, yeah_.

"_Then let's begin!_" Midna jumped up and headed back to the throne room.

**ONE DAY LATER**…

Midna was going nuts. For two reasons.

One: Link had outlawed green beans.

Two: Link was still in the castle.

After the green bean incident, Midna ran out into the courtyard, dragging Link by one of his pointy ears, and focused all her power on the ground and willed a portal to open to bring him back to Hyrule. Just a small portal that would allow one person to go back. Was that asking for too much?

"OW OW OW, MIDNA!" Link wailed.

"_Why did you outlaw green beans?_" Midna screamed. "_For some of us, those are the only vegetables we'll ever eat!_"

"They're nasty." Link muttered.

Midna slapped him and returned to the portal opening that was failing miserably.

"Can I go back to the castle now? My foot hurts. And my ear." Link whined. "And it's cold out here."

There was a tremendous crack and Midna was sent flying backwards as a black portal opened. She got up and cheered loudly. "_I DID IT!_"

It was the best moment of her life, ever.

"Where does that go?" Link asked.

_"You'll see!_" Midna pushed him into it.

Link yelled loudly and then was gone. Midna cheered again, yelling, "_HASTA LA VISTA, HERO!_"

But the portal had different plans. The energy of it was pulling Midna towards it, threatening to drag her into it too. Midna refused to go anywhere where Link was going from this point on in her life. Sadly, the portal refused to listen to her request.

Midna found herself tumbling into the portal.

With a loud SPLASH, the landed somewhere in Lake Hylia, with Link thrashing around in the water next to her, yelling about heavy swords and iron boots or something. Then he went under.

Midna considered letting him drown, but then she thought about how Zelda would kill her and dived under and dragged Link back up to the surface, depositing him on a small island.

"_Link, breathe. Now._" Midna slapped him. "_I command you!_"

Link didn't do anything.

Midna recalled what the Zora guard did and began performing CPR. When Link didn't respond to that, she cursed the gods, pinched his nose shut, and opened his mouth slightly.

Link sat up and kissed her. Midna was totally caught off guard and ended up falling backwards into the lake again.

"_OH MY GAH YOU MORON!_" she screamed, spitting out water and Link cooties. "_WHY DID YOU DO THAT? DON'T EVER JOKE AROUND LIKE THAT AGAIN!_"

Link giggled like a kid and skipped around in a circle, singing, "I kissed a girl."

Midna threw a good sized trout at his head and then began swimming away.

"Wait, Midna! Come back!" Link jumped into the water and swam after her. "I'm sorry! But you're my soul mate!"

Midna ignored him.

"I'll buy you chocolates!"

It was tempting, but she still ignored him.

They reached the other side of the lake and Midna managed to open another portal. This one would lead them directly to Zelda's castle. Midna could almost taste freedom again…

She shoved Link into the portal and then jumped after him, because she was sure she would have to explain a few things to Zelda.

They landed in the middle of a guard meeting, practically. Every guard turned their spears on them and Midna and Link went back to back, taken a bit off guard.

"Wait!" Zelda shouted from somewhere in the guard meeting. "Link and Midna are back!"

The guards lowered the spears and Zelda ran up to them. "How did you get back here?"

"_I opened a portal._" Midna said. "_He's all yours now. I hate him._"

Link was meanwhile looking at Zelda like he had never seen her before. He started to drool.

"Ok, well…thanks, Midna." Zelda started. "I appreciate you bringing him back. But…can you even get back to the Twilight?"

Midna turned to a bare spot on the floor and willed a portal to open. It didn't. She tried again. Still nothing. And yet again…

"_NOOOO! AFTER ALL THAT! NOW I'M STUCK HERE!_" Midna wailed. "_I THOUGHT I WOULD FINALLY BE ABLE TO ESCAPE THAT DERANGED MORON, BUT NOOO! THE GODS HATE ME!_"

_The gods may hate you, but the author doesn't_. Came a voice. _I can still get you back through the mirror_.

Midna sighed. "_I can live for a while here, if I must. But after that, I never want to hear about Hyrule again!_"

"I said sorry!" Link wailed.

Zelda took ahold of his sleeve. "Come on, you. Everyone's going nuts because they all thought you were dead. Now I can prove that you didn't die. Midna, you can rule my kingdom without messing it up for twenty minuets, can't you?"

"_Uh, yeah, duh._" Midna said.

"Then do it. I'll be right back."

Midna sighed and sat in Zelda's throne for a while, thinking about how ironic the whole thing with the portals and Link was. After all that Oh-Crap-He's-Stuck-Here-Forever thinking, now she was stuck in his world. Aaagh, life wasn't fair.

At least the author was on her side.

_Um, slight probablem_…

"_What_?" Midna asked the author.

_I lost a piece of the Mirror. You might be trapped here for a while longer_.

Midna fainted.

**EL FIN**

**Oh, wow. Even I didn't see that coming. This was the worst chapter yet. Sorry, I'm absolutely out of ideas. Happy Thanksgiving, by the way. TURKEY, HERE I COME!**

**Special thanks to Otto is Awesome, Forget the Moon-Ignore the Sky and MelissaMachine5000 for the ideas that turned into this chapter. You guys are awesome.**

**And thanks to you, reader! Without you, I wouldn't be able to keep writing!**

**Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

**Lordoftheghostking28 **


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